I had a fascinating conversation with a lady friend of mine the other day.
Relationships, of course. What else?
She told me that she is very disappointed in men these days.
Why Angelica (that is not her real name)? I asked.
Well, Cristian (that is my real name :))), I go on a lot of first dates, and men always want one thing, to hit it and leave. I am done with dating.
Well, sweet child of mine, maybe it’s a you problem.
Her face fell.
Why is it so hard for us to understand and accept that maybe we are the problem in some situations and maybe, just maybe, with minor adjustments, we could change our view of the world and our future?
Never mind, let’s go back to the conversation.
Her face fell.
Cristian, I am a strong, independent, educated, and beautiful woman. How could it be my problem? The dating pool is almost empty. All that is left are bottom feeders.
Yes, Angelica, you are strong, beautiful, independent, and gorgeous, but you never mentioned wise.
Wisdom chooses peace eight times out of ten, but you, as a strong and independent woman, want to be right all the time. No one is right all the time.
I am a handyman, but you have more “tools” in your nightstand than I have in my shed.
No one can compete with Duracell.
Not to mention that you post everyday photos and stories from the gym while wearing yoga pants pulled up over your breasts. Not only can we all see the gap between your legs, but we can also see what kind of underwear you wear and if you are about to pass a kidney stone.
Social media platforms are marketing platforms.
You advertise yourself as superior and sluty.
Therefore, the men you attract are the ones who search for easy prey, women who would give it up for dinner and a glass of wine. They hit it and leave.
She was mad! Fuming!
Okay, Cristian, but I am not a slut, okay? I am a kind person with morals, standards, and character.
And one more thing: people should not judge you by the way you look. They should take the time to get to know me.
Angelica, sweet soul. Maybe people should not judge you by the way you look, but on this planet, they do.
Always remember: SOLD AS ADVERTISED.
Of course, everybody lies on their resumes and shows their best side on social media, but by how much? Standing here with you, I realize that, in some sense, you don’t exist. You present an image to the world, and you don’t even know why, and you hate spending time alone with yourself to find out who you are and what you want.
Angelica, you are 38 years old, never married, and have no children, yet you say you want marriage and at least two beautiful children.
It could be like you say, the whole world has a problem. But it could be that you are your own problem, which is excellent news. Because when you are your greatest problem, you are also your solution.
Fuck, she said, not with sadness but with relief. I felt it and knew it but did not want to accept it.
What should I do?
Easy, I said.
Find out who you are and show that to the world. An imperfect, beautiful human being, and you’ll find an imperfect, beautiful human being to spend the rest of your life with.
Show some of your qualities and some of your flaws, and live some mystery for the other person to discover.
It is not that complicated.
For your anxiety and depression, you could fall on your knees and pray from time to time.
Cristian, you are an asshole, but thank you.
P.S.: – don’t tell her I told you.
With love, yours truly, Cristian.